When people say that everything will work out in the end, I am inclined to wonder what that means.  Looking around, things do not always seem to work out—plans fall apart, dreams go unfulfilled, and good people suffer.  I have not seen much of life yet, but I can say that I have had some experiences in which I wanted something—and not just wanted it, but saw it as the best thing for me—and did not get it.  Still, there is a bright side to this seemingly cold reality.  In fact, I have found that the hardest things I have had to face so far have taught me the most beautiful things about life.

My journey to Notre Dame is one example.  I will admit, I actually did not even consider this place until the second semester of my senior year.  I had, in fact, been envisioning my future at another university.  It was beautiful, relatively close to home, and prestigious, and when my older brother was accepted there, my dream grew.  I applied early, had a successful interview, visited the campus several times, and submitted music and dance supplements.  I kept trying to tell myself that it was a long shot, but everything just seemed so fitting that I could not shed the confident feeling that tickled my mind.  My 8-year-old brother even went to Mass with my mom nearly every day to pray that I would get into my dream school.  How could God say no to that?

On that fated December afternoon, I rushed out of my last class, burst into the computer lab, and impatiently waited for the screen with an answer to open.  When it finally appeared, all I could see was the word “deferred.”  In one bitter instant, my anticipation for overwhelming joy had been transformed into hectic confusion.  No, it was not a denial, but I felt like I had been cast into a cloud of uncertainty.  Now what?  My chances had been small before, and now they had faded even more.  Worst of all, none of my backup schools interested me nearly as much as my top choice.  Frankly, I felt stupid and lost.

The next few weeks, though difficult, began a transformative process for me.  Gradually, I learned the value of being open to the future.  After trying to plan out my life myself, letting go of control brought a great sense of comfort.  My mom and I made a pilgrimage to the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, DC, a beautiful church that we are fortunate to live nearby.  There, we resolved to place my future in Our Lady’s hands, knowing that she would keep me close to God’s plan—the one that would actually make me happy.

Meanwhile, I talked with my college counselor and my parents, trying to consider other options.  Over time, the words “Notre Dame” appeared more frequently in conversations.  When my parents suggested I make a visit to South Bend, I still felt unsure, but the idea aroused my interest.  In March, when my mom and I finally arrived on campus at 12:30 a.m., we immediately received a warm welcome at the Morris Inn, followed by a kind, enthusiastic tour guide the next day.  In those few hours—almost in spite of myself—I began to picture this place as a future home.

After that, things moved pretty quickly.  I applied Regular Decision, and on a sunny March 24 morning, I received a beautifully written acceptance letter, making for one of the best days of my life.  My attachment to Notre Dame had so firmly replaced the longing for my formerly ideal school, that when that university sent its final rejection letter, I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Well, that makes my decision even easier.  Notre Dame, here I come!”  And Our Lady’s university has become more of a home to me than I believe any other place could ever have been.

I do not venture to say that life at Notre Dame is perfectly easy for me now.  There have been plenty of challenges that I did not expect, and once again, various plans that have been overridden.  Letting go still hurts—but, as I continue to discover, it also frees.  Trying to live each day very well and receiving each surprise with openness, though it might not remove the struggle, does in fact replace anxiety with serenity.  I still hope and pray for what I think is best, because I guess there is always the chance that God will agree with me, but then I try to let Him take care of it all, while I focus on my much smaller part.  With that outlook and effort, things will in fact work out in the end—in better ways than we can imagine.

Sophia Buono is a freshman majoring the Program of Liberal Studies and minoring in Education, Schooling, and Society.  She looks forward to once again residing in Lyons Hall next year, where she will continue to enjoy the lovely view of St. Mary’s Lake.  Contact Sophia at sbuono@nd.edu.